Facing trauma and getting through
One of the most powerful emotions you can experience in traumatic circumstances is isolation. The world no longer makes any sense and you feel very alone. It’s like observing life through an opaque piece of plastic; you can see shapes and signs of life, and hear muffled sounds on the other side but nothing makes any sense to you.
It’s a foreign world; you are navigating an alien landscape without a tour guide and everything that seemed so sure and routine and understandable about life has been shaken loose and nothing adds up. It’s a scary place to be in and it feels like there is no way out.
Just how are you supposed to get through this dark time? Everyone deals with loss and tragedy differently but here are some coping strategies that might be helpful.
Firstly remember you are in an abnormal situation. As someone has said, it’s normal to feel abnormal emotions in abnormal circumstances. If you are facing the sudden loss of a loved one, you are in an extreme situation. This is not a normal set of circumstances, things are not the way they are meant to be and as a result you will be contending with an extreme array of feelings, emotions, thoughts and behaviours.
What you once knew as normal no longer exists, you are now building a new normal and a new life. It takes time and lots of it. This is very hard to accept because we just want life to be the way it was.
Having support people in your life is an essential ingredient in getting through. These are people who accept you the way you are, who listen to you, who don’t always need to understand you and don’t have all the answers. They don’t want to take over, or remain aloof and avoid you. This can be a close relative or friend, or a trusted advisor or counsellor.
Take small steps, sometimes literally. Often you just want to shut yourself away, it is really hard to face the world and people. You are in a different world and you have different rules, so don’t expect too much of yourself. Do something physical if you can, like walk to the gate and back inside. The next few days walk a little further and slowly extend your range. Set small goals to achieve such as meeting someone or going out for short visits.
It helps to know you are not alone, that unfortunately other people have gone through similar tragedies and circumstances. Somehow they have survived and somehow you will to. It helps to hear their stories and what they have learned. Someday it will help others for you to share your story and what you have learned.
Even though we all have unique circumstances to face, we can all learn something from each other.
What are some coping strategies you have found helpful? What has helped you get through?
